i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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