What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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