Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
