Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
