Barsexuality is the new black.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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