So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
