Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
