I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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