He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
