Pants 0. Shit 1.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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