I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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