who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
