brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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