The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
