I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
