i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
