Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
