Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
