ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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