Screwed.edu
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
