is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
