Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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