She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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