the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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