Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
