So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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