omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
