he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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