i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
