Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
