dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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