He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
