Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
