ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
