I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
