Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
