If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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