You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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