Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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