Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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