Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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