I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
