foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
