i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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