You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
