In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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