I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
