in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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