your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
