Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's rum buckets o'clock
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