Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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