mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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