Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
