the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
